Much ado about nothing

It has been an unusual week so far, Monday I had my breakfast in a small Deli/Coffee house in the beer capital of England. I had been into that well known Nottingham chemist shop to buy my eldest G/dau a camera for her birthday,[Don’t worry she has nt got her own space yet,so its still a secret!] She had used my 2 year old idiot proof camera, to take pics of me and her baby sis, and I thought as she had nt choppped off ours heads, a camera of her own was a good option. Well,they don’t make them any more!  They have 35mm cameras which I thought were more old fashion than the one I have! No its all digital…….It was at this point when when my thoughts were interrupted by someone shouting, "Look where your bloody going!" Now the pavement is nt the place you expect to be attacked by a middle aged granny cyclist….is it? I politely pointed to the dedicated cycle track on the other side of the road and suggested she should be there and that as a pedestrian I had every right to be on the pavement. I think she had a speech problem,every other word she spoke began with F….and because I did nt have my birth certificate I could nt prove that I actually had a father! There are times when to be assertive you walk away and I decided this was one of them! 
Tuesday was busy,more garden tidying and filling up the wheeliebin. Then I set about replying to a letter about one of my families. In the 1780’s every Mangnall family baptised a son John!  It was late afternoon before I finished the letter and switched off the computer. I started my dinner,sat down ….and the next thing I remember was waking up to the acric smell of a pan boiling dry! A watched pot never boils – only when you doze off! 
Wednesday was sunny and warm,for October, as I set off to Sherwood Forest to take my X Inlaws out for a meal. I usually do this nearer the Father in laws birthday at the end of November but last year they were in Australia and he was unwell in 2003. Well the place we usually go closed 6 months ago, which surprised me. It was a Berni Inn when I lived in the area, and had changed to a reasonable eating house more recently. So I back tracked and went to the Ferrers Arms at Lount,which for the adventerous is on the A453 between Ashby and Breedon.It has waitress service,a smoke free area and the food is good and not too pricey.[End of Advert!]
Yesterday I walked down to my local hostelry at lunchtime,three of the regulars were missing, Les is on holiday,Dennis,at another meeting and Alan has nt been seen for a week or two – probably writing another book! The dole office must have closed early as several of its regulars were imbibing in copious pints of lager and playing the heaviest of metal on the jukebox.[No matter what the technology – its still a jukebox!!!], and of course, He, was slouched in his corner.This greasy,grey haired,68 year old must be the epitome of how youth see the old.
Boring,unsocialable and cantankerous. He makes the local tramps seem well dressed and he smells. I have gone through the stages of laughing with him, at him, now I ignore him.  On the last occasion [Christmas],I bought him a pint,Scrooge like,he did nt thank me, and I was told he probably had more money in the bank than most, yet he appears to be in receipt of every bureaucratic handout yet devised.  
Later this afternoon I have an appointment in town so instead of posting things,which I hope you find of interest,I decided to get you upto date with the life of a someone who is, a) Old and b) Not bored!
Oh and I know you have nt forgotten,so here is a poem commerating 14th October ……………………………………………………………1066
I’ll tell of the Battle of Hastings,
As happened in days long gone by,
When Duke William became King of England,
And ‘arold got shot in the eye.

It were like this: one day in October,
The Duke, who were always a toff,
Had no battles on at the moment,
So he’d given his lads the day off.

They’d got out their boats to go fishing,
When one said in’t Conqueror’s ear,
‘Let’s go and put wind up’t Saxons’
Bill said, ‘By gum that’s an idea.’

Then turning around to his cohorts,
He lifted his big Norman voice,
Shouting, ‘Hands up who’s coming to England.’
They knew they had no choice.

They set off around about tea-time,
The sea was very calm and still,
And at quarter to ten the next morning,
They arrived at a place called Bexhill.

King Harold rode up as they landed,
His face full of venom and ‘ate,
He said, ‘If you’ve come for t’regatta,
You’ve got here six weeks too late.

At this William rose, cool but ‘aughty,
And said, ‘Now give us none of yer cheek,
You’d best have your throne re-upholstered
‘cos I’ll want to use it next week.’

When ‘arold ‘eard this ‘ere defiance,
With rage he turned purple and blue,
He shouted some rude words in Saxon,
To which William replied, ‘and you too.’

‘Twere a beautiful day for a battle,
The Normans set off with a will
And when both sides were assembled,
They tossed for the top of the ‘ill.

King ‘arold won the advantage,
On the ‘ill top he took up ‘is stand,
With his knaves and his cads all around ‘im,
On ‘is ‘orse with ‘is ‘awk on ‘is ‘and.

The Normans ‘ad nowt in their favour,
Their chance of victory seemed small,
For the slope of the field was agen ’em,
And the wind in their faces an’ all.

The kick-off was sharp at two thirty,
And soon as the whistle ‘ad went,
Both sides started slamming each other,
Till the swineherds could hear ’em in Kent.

The Saxons ‘ad best line o’ forwards,
Well armed with both buckler and sword,
But the Normans ‘ad best combination,
So at half time – neither had scored.

The Duke called his cohorts together,
And said, ‘Let’s pretend that we’re beat,
Let’s get Saxons down on’t level,
Then cut off their means of retreat.

So they ran, and the Saxons ran after,
Just exactly as William had planned,
Leaving ‘arold alone on the ‘ill top,
On ‘is ‘orse with ‘is ‘awk on ‘is ‘and.

When the Conqueror saw what had happened,
A bow and an arrow he drew,
He went straight up to ‘arold and shot ‘im,
He were off-side, but what could they do?

The Normans turned round in a fury,
And gave back both parry and thrust,
Till the battle were all o’er bar t’shouting,
And you couldn’t see Saxons for dust.

Then after the battle were over,
They found ‘arold so stately and grand,
Sitting there with his eye full of arrow,
On ‘is ‘orse with ‘is ‘awk on ‘is ‘and.

Copyright; Marriott Edgar