SMILING THROUGH GRITTED TEETH.

My new local supermarket

 

The new supermarket near here has an automatic fine water spray
to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the
sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
 
When you approach the milk racks, you hear cows mooing
and smell scent of fresh hay.
 
When you approach the egg shelves, you hear hens cluck and
cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs
frying.
 
The vegetable department features the smell of freshly made salad with an exotic dressing.
 
 
I don’t buy toilet paper there any more.
 
 

This pill allows you to fly

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman."

 

Golfing

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green.

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.

The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it falls into the water, a fish jumps up and grabs the ball in its mouth. As the fish is falling back down into the water, an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws. The eagle flies off over the green, where a lighting bolt shoots from the sky and barely misses it. Startled, the eagle drops the fish. When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of its mouth and rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one.

Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don’t stop fooling around, we won’t bring you next time."

           Finally, mainly because I can nt be bothered to look for more……a few 1 liners.

What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate too fast?

Stop goblin your food.

What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?

A box of quackers.

Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?

Because he was on a roll.

Why did the student eat his homework?

The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

What did the hungry computer eat?

Chips, one byte at a time.

Why do fish avoid the computer?

So they don’t get caught In ter net.

 

 

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4 thoughts on “SMILING THROUGH GRITTED TEETH.

  1. Hiya, you visited my mate mandy\’s space…thanks so much for leaving her a comment she will be so pleased when she sees it your right, i need to get her to DIY lol i have told her the best way to learn is by mistake *chuckle* but as yet she is a bit nervy…its all so daunting when your new!
    Now what this about your site being how not to do it? looks good to me and like your posts 🙂
    anyway thanks again
     
    Kath
    xxx

  2. I love your coments so much and agree whole hartedly..i may have to move in lol 😀

  3. Dear Chef of the Castle,
     
    In order not to confuse you or the Laird any further, let me explain. There is the ‘traditional’ way of making Bobotie which varies substantially from person to person and then there is Kate’s way. But both recipes are delightful so do let the Laird try both and then cast his opinion.
    The Fish Bobotie is also rather nice…and if the Laird so wishes….it will be gladly offered.
    In the meantime…..don’t let his glass run dry.
    And ….Should it be Saturday August the 12 when he gets this……let him drink to my health as it is my Birthday.
    Good luck!
    Kate (Coffee With Kate)

  4. HI, i\’ve just saw your comment on my space about the da vinci code.
    I am sure that this novel is written in such a way that it puts together the truth and fiction in a way that someone who is not really into the subject thinks that the catholic church is making a fuss… We don\’t really need to speak about the subject but the church is taking this opportunity to teach christians about the facts of our faith. We know that many people are getting confused about these teaching…WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE and the vatican has no secrets.
    I would be pleased to discuss with you in greater detail. my email address is borgca@hotmail.com. Hope to speak to you in the near future. 

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