Last night I was thinking that I should be out enjoying myself – a few years ago I could not imagine me in the house on a Saturday night. There was nothing on my telly,[except dust], – 800 channels and nowt worth watching! On Radio 3 was Janine Jansen performance of Mozart’s ‘Turkish’ violin concerto, followed by Shostakovich’s 4th symphony. The concert had begun with Alfred Schnittke’s ‘(K)ein Sommernachtstraum’. The 11 minutes that was on I made myself a coffee and locked up the castle.
Going down the pub is an ordeal these days – smoky atmosphere,pnuematic drill sounding noise from the jukebox – BELIEVE ME, discs don’t have to be at 110+ decibels before they can be enjoyed. "Moaning old codger" I hear you say…those of you who are nt dead from cancer at my age will be stone deaf!
When I do foray into the town pubs I am amazed at the lack of pride men have in their appearance. Week old beards,month old T shirts and year old trousers that Oxfam would incinerate. Ladies,you obviously take time and effort to keep up with the latest fashions, why do you accept this? If a bloke cannot make the effort he does nt deserve your company. Yes I have been drunk,more times than I care to admit to,but not before 10pm! Whats the point of arriving at a nightclub already bladdered? That was when the fun used to start!
I could go out for a meal – No more prawn cocktails and chicken in a basket – Now most pub food is microwaved,pre packed,frozen and tastes like cottonwool. I would nt even contemplate subsidising the american economic imperialist m*******s. Go to a "posh" restaurant? They don’t like single occupation of a table – its not viable. If you do gain admission,the table will either be next to the exit from the kitchen,or in the only draught for two miles. Get a bloody takeaway I hear you screaming at your screen – the whole idea of going out is to enjoy the company of your mates over a pie and a pint. Then I decided to tour around you fellow bloggers – guess what? No on-line connection! "They" really have been busy this last 3 days! Looked out the turret windows to see if it was a clear enough to see the shooting stars – the sky was heavy with rain clouds, so I went to bed with Ayla and a cup of Horlicks……….[Malted milk beverage]
Sunday – a new dawn a new day – I was up early on snail patrol, there are so few birds around to eat them, thanks to the local cat population and slug pellets, it is a case of "salt their tails" to reduce the numbers. [ Being Green I suppose I should export them to france]. Weeds are just flowers growing in the wrong place, creepie crawlies should also know that the garden is for them and the castle is MINE. A radical group of ants has, for the last 2 or three weeks tried to invade my kitchen. Last night after several defensive ploys I unleashed a full scale chemical attack. This morning the kitchen is quite antless. Hereabouts August 12th., is known as the ‘Glorious 12th’, the day when the game hunting season begins ! This morning all is quiet on the estate after yesterday’s Haggis hunt. Tomorrow we may shoot a few peasants, if the rain stops that is. It won’t be long before people hereabouts start this countries favourite pass-time…complaining about the weather. If it were an Olympic sport we would win Gold, Silver and Bronze! We have just had the hottest,driest July in 400 years so welcome the rain folks…..get the reservoirs full again!!
So ladies, when you are out on Tuesday,and see an old man wearing a dirty raincoat, with his trouser legs tied with string, standing alone at the bar, don’t think …"perv"….buy me a birthday drink and we’ll go for a French or Italian meal.
Coffee time approaches! I must leave this Control Centre and brew myself a mug of tea or coffee and begin telecommunications with Iceni…..
Live long and prosper.