The ‘PC Brigade’ have caused another storm by rewriting a favourite nursery rhyme. They have changed Baa Baa Black Sheep to – Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep. These pathetic little mindless wonders in nurseries in deepest Oxfordshire, have changed the traditional rhyme so as not offend ethnic minorities, [although at current rates the English will soon BE a minority]. They obviously have nothing better to do whilst on outrageously long holidays. They say the words "black sheep" alienate and offends young black children. I did nt hear them complain on behalf of many of our australian cousins whose forebears were the black sheep of many a good family.
Have you ever seen a rainbow sheep? Although I am not sure what the "International Order of the Rainbow for Girls", will have to say!
As for sheep: Little Bo-peep must be deprived of her sheep and should not be allowed,"to rove over the hillocks,on an unsupervised ramble, tacking detached tails to each lamb.We also know that Mary had a little lamb,?[Bestiality is illegal,under animal-cruelty laws] it’s fleece [Hoodie?] [will have to be rainbow so as not to alienate young white or yellow children. as snow. [This could offend ethnic sub Saharian children and make any Innuits homesick. It also fails to identify the breed of sheep, let us hope it was nt a rainbow persian,a rainbow celtic mountain sheep or even a Qinghai Rainbow [from that country in the Himalayas] and everywhere that [Ms?]went, the lamb was sure to go [that sounds pretty unhygenic to me]. It followed her to school one day,we assume in the back of the suv which was against the rule;[bloody bureaucrats] it made [sorry – no coercion] the children laugh and play,[refrain from this – its dangerous] to see a lamb at school. [HMG Health and Safety bans this practice]And so the teacher turned it out,[bastard] but still it lingered near,[Sorry this may offend the habitual truant ] and waited patiently about till [Ms] did appear.[Bloody stalker] Why does the lamb love[ do I detect a sexual innuendo?] [Ms] so? The eager children, cry [ abusive teacher?] " why, [Ms] loves the lamb [Discriminating against Bovines]you know" the teacher did reply.
Ok what are we left with?
"Ms, was temporarily caring for a neutrally pigmented,hooded creature. The educational operative was gobsmacked ! "
That is not the only rhyme to get frigged about: Humpty Dumpty has a miraculous escape from impending disaster when he falls from his wall. It follows that we must ban the saying "If you don’t crack poultry’s unborn embryo you can nt have an omlette" Teachers say they do not want children to be upset by the human egg’s scrapes.
Of course,Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry; will have to go – We can nt have width challenged males slobbering over girls can we? Never being able to discover,What little girls are made of?,he will probably become a pervert.
The dieticians will be able to stop Ms’s eating Sugar and spice And all things nice!" ,On the subject of food, Jack Sprat and his wife, being vegetarians will eat neither fat nor lean and use an environmentally friendly dishwasher. Children will no longer have to dance before eating fish fingers. Autistic Simon need no longer worry about being accosted by a pie roundsman. Higgledy Pigglety will no longer be allowed to sell eggs, they will be supplied free on a prescription from the NHS.
The sale of Hot X buns will be outlawed, so as not to offend Non christian minorities. The Queen of Hearts will make her tarts all year round and supply them, on franchise, to the Salvation Army soup kitchens. Good news for men is that they will no longer be "put him in a pint pot and told to drum." on the down side you will no longer get "free garters" or "little silk handkerchiefs to wipe your pretty nose." When your partners feminine sibling visits she will arrive in a carriage pulled by six rainbow equines. If the stables are inundated with a trio of vision impaired mice, sadly, The farmer’s partner will not be allowed to cut off their tails with a carving knife, you must send for the local vermin exclusion operative.
Now, sit down and take a deep breath before you read the next paragraph:
Little Nancy Etticoat,with a white petticoat,and a red nose;she has no feet or hands,the longer she stands,the shorter she grows.
SHOCK…..HORROR…..Has he lost it completely ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
This of course will become:
"The longer a candle burns the more vertically challenged it becomes."
So has it dawned on the peasants of Bovinecrossingshire that ALL nursery rhymes are part of this countries heritage? They are allusions, the P
olitical Commentary of their times – not to be banned by Parsimonious Cretins, whether Protestant or Catholic.
I refer you to the web site:
http://www.rhymes.org.uk From that site I quote an example :
Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row
The origins are steeped in history… Bloody Mary – daughter of King Henry VIII.
Mary was a staunch Catholic, a 16th century religious zealot, and the garden referred to is an allusion to graveyards which were increasing in size with those who dared to continue to adhere to the Protestant faith – Protestant martyrs.
Instruments of Torture!
The silver bells and cockle shells referred to in the Nursery Rhyme were colloquialisms for instruments of torture. The ‘silver bells’ were thumbscrews which crushed of the thumb between two hard surfaces by the tightening a screw. The ‘cockleshells’ were believed to be instruments of torture which were attached to the genitals!
The " Maids" or Maiden was the original guillotine!
The ‘maids’ were a device to behead people called the Maiden. Beheading a victim was fraught with problems. It could take up to 11 blows to actually sever the head, the victim often resisted and had to be chased around the scaffold. Margaret Pole (1473 – 1541), Countess of Salisbury did not go willingly to her death and had to be chased and hacked at by the Executioner. These problems led to the invention of a mechanical instrument (now known as the guillotine) called the Maiden – shortened to Maids in the Rhyme. The Maiden had long been in use in England before Lord Morton, regent of Scotland during the minority of James VI, had a copy constructed from the Maiden which had been used in Halifax in Yorkshire. Ironically, Lord Morton fell from favour and was the first to experience the Maiden in Scotland!
ary, is also remembered as the ‘farmer’s wife’ in the three blind mice rhyme. This refers to the massive estates which she, and her husband King Philip of Spain, possessed. The ‘three blind mice’ were three noblemen who adhered to the Protestant faith who were convicted of plotting against the Queen – she did not have them dismembered and blinded as inferred in the rhyme – they were burnt at the stake!